Appearance

My Grandma Simon is cooking a birthday dinner for me tonight. I am bringing my roommates along since they haven't had a legitimate home cooked meal in a very long time, I'm sure. This week will be my debut, seeing I haven't gone out very much in the past month and haven't seen really anybody I usually hang out with outside this house.

Every time I am about to go out something comes up, whether it is another activity or an emotional confrontation. Social events take a lot out of me. I would say after about 2 hours of a social gathering feels like I have been awake for two days without any sleep. It is draining and exhausting to be with people I have just met. To try and force a social interaction with a complete stranger. Standing alone in the corner feeling like a spotlight is beaming in me showing off every stray hair and makeup flaw on my body. Insecurities are fleeting but once one leaves, another comes along. Example: I look in the mirror and my makeup doesn't look half bad. But my haircut is terrible and in the awkward stage. I suppose that is ordinary, to worry about my looks. I only wish I didn't have to. I wish people would look at me and think "She is a good person," or, "That girl seems like she would have intelligent input in a conversation about the theory of relativity."

"The great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearance, as though they were realities and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."